第十三章: 我是柯林 I Am Colin | 秘密花园
1 / 19
Then Mary knew Dickon had meant the picture to be a message. He had meant that she might be sure he would keep her secret. Her garden was her nest and she was like a missel thrush. Oh, how she did like that queer, common boy!
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Mary took the picture back to the house when she went to her supper and she showed it to Martha.
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"Eh!" said Martha with great pride. "I never knew our Dickon was as clever as that. That there's a picture of a missel thrush on her nest, as large as life an' twice as natural."
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She hoped he would come back the very next day and she fell asleep looking forward to the morning.
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"The rain is as contrary as I ever was," she said. "It came because it knew I did not want it."
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But you never know what the weather will do in Yorkshire, particularly in the springtime. She was awakened in the night by the sound of rain beating with heavy drops against her window. It was pouring down in torrents and the wind was "wuthering" round the corners and in the chimneys of the huge old house. Mary sat up in bed and felt miserable and angry.
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第十三章: 我是柯林 I Am Colin | 秘密花园
2 / 19
She had been lying awake turning from side to side for about an hour, when suddenly something made her sit up in bed and turn her head toward the door listening. She listened and she listened.
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"It isn't the wind now," she said in a loud whisper. "That isn't the wind. It is different. It is that crying I heard before."
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She threw herself back on her pillow and buried her face. She did not cry, but she lay and hated the sound of the heavily beating rain, she hated the wind and its "wuthering." She could not go to sleep again. The mournful sound kept her awake because she felt mournful herself If she had felt happy it would probably have lulled her to sleep. How it "wuthered" and how the big raindrops poured down and beat against the pane!
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The door of her room was ajar and the sound came down the corridor, a far-off faint sound of fretful crying. She listened for a few minutes and each minute she became more and more sure. She felt as if she must find out what it was. It seemed even stranger than the secret garden and the buried key. Perhaps the fact that she was in a rebellious mood made her bold. She put her foot out of bed and stood on the floor.
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"It sounds just like a person lost on the moor and wandering on and on crying," she said.
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第十三章: 我是柯林 I Am Colin | 秘密花园
3 / 19
She pushed it open very gently and closed it behind her, and she stood in the corridor and could hear the crying quite plainly, though it was not loud. It was on the other side of the wall at her left and a few yards farther on there was a door. She could see a glimmer of light coming from beneath it. The Someone was crying in that room, and it was quite a young Someone.
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There was a candle by her bedside and she took it up and went softly out of the room. The corridor looked very long and dark, but she was too excited to mind that. She thought she remembered the corners she must turn to find the short corridor with the door covered with tapestry -- the one Mrs. Medlock had come through the day she lost herself. The sound had come up that passage. So she went on with her dim light, almost feeling her way, her heart beating so loud that she fancied she could hear it. The far-off faint crying went on and led her. Sometimes it stopped for a moment or so and then began again. Was this the right corner to turn? She stopped and thought. Yes it was. Down this passage and then to the left, and then up two broad steps, and then to the right again. Yes, there was the tapestry door.
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"I am going to find out what it is," she said. "Everybody is in bed and I don't care about Mrs. Medlock -- I don't care!"
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第十三章: 我是柯林 I Am Colin | 秘密花园
4 / 19
It was a big room with ancient, handsome furniture in it. There was a low fire glowing faintly on the hearth and a night light burning by the side of a carved four-posted bed hung with brocade, and on the bed was lying a boy, crying fretfully.
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Mary wondered if she was in a real place or if she had fallen asleep again and was dreaming without knowing it.
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So she walked to the door and pushed it open, and there she was standing in the room!
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Mary stood near the door with her candle in her hand, holding her breath. Then she crept across the room, and, as she drew nearer, the light attracted the boy's attention and he turned his head on his pillow and stared at her, his gray eyes opening so wide that they seemed immense.
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The boy had a sharp, delicate face the color of ivory and he seemed to have eyes too big for it. He had also a lot of hair which tumbled over his forehead in heavy locks and made his thin face seem smaller. He looked like a boy who had been ill, but he was crying more as if he were tired and cross than as if he were in pain.
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第十三章: 我是柯林 I Am Colin | 秘密花园
5 / 19
She came close to the bed and he put out his hand and touched her.
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"I am Colin Craven. Who are you?"
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"Who is Colin?" she faltered.
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Mary had slipped on a woolen wrapper before she left her room and she put a piece of it between his fingers.
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"Come here," he said, still keeping his strange eyes fixed on her with an anxious expression.
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"Your father!" gasped Mary. "No one ever told me he had a boy! Why didn't they?"
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"No," he replied after waiting a moment or so. "I am Colin."
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"I am Mary Lennox. Mr. Craven is my uncle."
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"You are real, aren't you?" he said. "I have such real dreams very often. You might be one of them."
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"He is my father," said the boy.
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"No, I am not," Mary answered, her own whisper sounding half frightened. "Are you one?"
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"Who are you?" he said at last in a half-frightened whisper. "Are you a ghost?"
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He stared and stared and stared. Mary could not help noticing what strange eyes he had. They were agate gray and they looked too big for his face because they had black lashes all round them.
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第十三章: 我是柯林 I Am Colin | 秘密花园
6 / 19
"From my own room. The wind wuthered so I couldn't go to sleep and I heard some one crying and wanted to find out who it was. What were you crying for?"
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"Rub that and see how thick and warm it is," she said. "I will pinch you a little if you like, to show you how real I am. For a minute I thought you might be a dream too."
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"Why?" asked Mary.
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"Why?" Mary asked again, feeling more mystified every moment.
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"Mary Lennox. Did no one ever tell you I had come to live here?"
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"Because I should have been afraid you would see me. I won't let people see me and talk me over."
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"No," he answered. "They daren't."
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He was still fingering the fold of her wrapper, but he began to look a little more as if he believed in her reality.
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"Because I am like this always, ill and having to lie down. My father won't let people talk me over either. The servants are not allowed to speak about me. If I live I may be a hunchback, but I shan't live. My father hates to think I may be like him."
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"Because I couldn't go to sleep either and my head ached. Tell me your name again.
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"Where did you come from?" he asked.
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第十三章: 我是柯林 I Am Colin | 秘密花园
7 / 19
"What garden?" the boy asked.
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A sort of angry shadow passed over the boy's face…
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"My mother died when I was born and it makes him wretched to look at me. He thinks I don't know, but I've heard people talking. He almost hates me."
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"Oh, what a queer house this is!" Mary said. "What a queer house! Everything is a kind of secret. Rooms are locked up and gardens are locked up -- and you! Have you been locked up?"
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"Sometimes. Generally when I am asleep. He doesn't want to see me."
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"He hates the garden, because she died," said Mary half speaking to herself
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"Does your father come and see you?" Mary ventured.
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"Why?" Mary could not help asking again.
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"Oh! just -- just a garden she used to like," Mary stammered. "Have you been here always?"
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"No. I stay in this room because I don't want to be moved out of it. It tires me too much."
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"Nearly always. Sometimes I have been taken to places at the seaside, but I won't stay because people stare at me. I used to wear an iron thing to keep my back straight, but a grand doctor came from London to see me and said it was stupid. He told them to take it off and keep me out in the fresh air. I hate fresh air and I don't want to go out."
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第十三章: 我是柯林 I Am Colin | 秘密花园
8 / 19
"We're both awake," said Mary. She glanced round the room with its high ceiling and shadowy corners and dim fire-light. "It looks quite like a dream, and it's the middle of the night, and everybody in the house is asleep -- everybody but us. We are wide awake."
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"Because of the dreams that are so real," he answered rather fretfully. "Sometimes when I open my eyes I don't believe I'm awake."
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"I don't want it to be a dream," the boy said restlessly.
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"I didn't when first I came here," said Mary. "Why do you keep looking at me like that?"
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Mary put down her candle on the table near the bed and sat down on the cushioned stool. She did not want to go away at all. She wanted to stay in the mysterious hidden-away room and talk to the mysterious boy.
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"If you don't like people to see you," she began, "do you want me to go away?"
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He still held the fold of her wrapper and he gave it a little pull.
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"No," he said. "I should be sure you were a dream if you went. If you are real, sit down on that big footstool and talk. I want to hear about you."
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Mary thought of something all at once.
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第十三章: 我是柯林 I Am Colin | 秘密花园
9 / 19
"What do you want me to tell you?" she said.
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He wanted to know how long she had been at Misselthwaite; he wanted to know which corridor her room was on; he wanted to know what she had been doing; if she disliked the moor as he disliked it; where she had lived before she came to Yorkshire. She answered all these questions and many more and he lay back on his pillow and listened. He made her tell him a great deal about India and about her voyage across the ocean. She found out that because he had been an invalid he had not learned things as other children had. One of his nurses had taught him to read when he was quite little and he was always reading and looking at pictures in splendid books.
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Though his father rarely saw him when he was awake, he was given all sorts of wonderful things to amuse himself with. He never seemed to have been amused, however. He could have anything he asked for and was never made to do anything he did not like to do.
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"Everyone is obliged to do what pleases me," he said indifferently. "It makes me ill to be angry. No one believes I shall live to grow up."
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第十三章: 我是柯林 I Am Colin | 秘密花园
10 / 19
"It -- it was the garden Mr. Craven hates," said Mary nervously. "He locked the door. No one -- no one knew where he buried the key."
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He said it as if he was so accustomed to the idea that it had ceased to matter to him at all. He seemed to like the sound of Mary's voice. As she went on talking he listened in a drowsy, interested way. Once or twice she wondered if he were not gradually falling into a doze. But at last he asked a question which opened up a new subject.
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"How old are you?" he asked.
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"I am ten," answered Mary, forgetting herself for the moment, "and so are you."
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"What garden door was locked? Who did it? Where was the key buried?" he exclaimed as if he were suddenly very much interested.
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"How do you know that?" he demanded in a surprised voice.
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Colin half sat up, turning toward her, leaning on his elbows.
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"Because when you were born the garden door was locked and the key was buried. And it has been locked for ten years."
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"What sort of a garden is it?" Colin persisted eagerly.
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"No one has been allowed to go into it for ten years," was Mary's careful answer.
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第十三章: 我是柯林 I Am Colin | 秘密花园
11 / 19
"I would make them," said Colin.
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But it was too late to be careful. He was too much like herself He too had had nothing to think about and the idea of a hidden garden attracted him as it had attracted her. He asked question after question. Where was it? Had she never looked for the door? Had she never asked the gardeners?
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"They won't talk about it," said Mary. "I think they have been told not to answer questions."
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"Could you?" Mary faltered, beginning to feel frightened. If he could make people answer questions, who knew what might happen!
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"Everyone is obliged to please me. I told you that," he said. "If I were to live, this place would sometime belong to me. They all know that. I would make them tell me."
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Mary had not known that she herself had been spoiled, but she could see quite plainly that this mysterious boy had been. He thought that the whole world belonged to him. How peculiar he was and how coolly he spoke of not living.
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"Do you think you won't live?" she asked, partly because she was curious and partly in hope of making him forget the garden.
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第十三章: 我是柯林 I Am Colin | 秘密花园
12 / 19
"I don't suppose I shall," he answered as indifferently as he had spoken before. "Ever since I remember anything I have heard people say I shan't. At first they thought I was too little to understand and now they think I don't hear. But I do. My doctor is my father's cousin. He is quite poor and if I die he will have all Misselthwaite when my father is dead. I should think he wouldn't want me to live."
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"Do you want to live?" inquired Mary.
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"I have heard you crying three times," Mary said, "but I did not know who it was. Were you crying about that?" She did so want him to forget the garden.
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"No," he answered, in a cross, tired fashion. "But I don't want to die. When I feel ill I lie here and think about it until I cry and cry."
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"I do," he went on persistently. "I don't think I ever really wanted to see anything before, but I want to see that garden. I want the key dug up. I want the door unlocked. I would let them take me there in my chair. That would be getting fresh air. I am going to make them open the door."
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"Yes," answered Mary, in quite a low voice.
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"I dare say," he answered. "Let us talk about something else. Talk about that garden. Don't you want to see it?"
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第十三章: 我是柯林 I Am Colin | 秘密花园
13 / 19
He stared as if he thought she had gone crazy!
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"Oh, don't -- don't -- don't -- don't do that!" she cried out.
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"They have to please me," he said. "I will make them take me there and I will let you go, too."
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Mary's hands clutched each other. Everything would be spoiled -- everything! Dickon would never come back. She would never again feel like a missel thrush with a safe-hidden nest.
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"Why?" he exclaimed. "You said you wanted to see it."
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"I do," she answered almost with a sob in her throat, "but if you make them open the door and take you in like that it will never be a secret again."
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He leaned still farther forward.
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Mary's words almost tumbled over one another.
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"A secret," he said. "What do you mean? Tell me."
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He had become quite excited and his strange eyes began to shine like stars and looked more immense than ever.
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"You see -- you see," she panted, "if no one knows but ourselves -- if there was a door, hidden somewhere under the ivy -- if there was -- and we could find it; and if we could slip through it together and shut it behind us, and no one knew any one was inside and we called it our garden and pretended that -- that we were missel thrushes and it was our nest, and if we played there almost every day and dug and planted seeds and made it all come alive --"
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第十三章: 我是柯林 I Am Colin | 秘密花园
14 / 19
"It is the sun shining on the rain and the rain falling on the sunshine, and things pushing up and working under the earth," said Mary. "If the garden was a secret and we could get into it we could watch the things grow bigger every day, and see how many roses are alive. Don't you see? Oh, don't you see how much nicer it would be if it was a secret?"
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He stopped her again as excited as she was herself
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"It soon will be if no one cares for it," she went on. "The bulbs will live but the roses --"
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"Is it dead?" he interrupted her.
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"What are bulbs?" he put in quickly.
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"They are daffodils and lilies and snowdrops. They are working in the earth now -- pushing up pale green points because the spring is coming."
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He dropped back on his pillow and lay there with an odd expression on his face.
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"Is the spring coming?" he said. "What is it like? You don't see it in rooms if you are ill."
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"I never had a secret," he said, "except that one about not living to grow up. They don't know I know that, so it is a sort of secret. But I like this kind better."
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第十三章: 我是柯林 I Am Colin | 秘密花园
15 / 19
He lay quite still and listened while she went on talking about the roses which might have clambered from tree to tree and hung down -- about the many birds which might have built their nests there because it was so safe. And then she told him about the robin and Ben Weatherstaff, and there was so much to tell about the robin and it was so easy and safe to talk about it that she ceased to be afraid. The robin pleased him so much that he smiled until he looked almost beautiful, and at first Mary had thought that he was even plainer than herself, with his big eyes and heavy locks of hair.
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Mary began to recover her breath and feel safer because the idea of keeping the secret seemed to please him. She felt almost sure that if she kept on talking and could make him see the garden in his mind as she had seen it he would like it so much that he could not bear to think that everybody might tramp into it when they chose.
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"I'll tell you what I think it would be like, if we could go into it," she said. "It has been shut up so long things have grown into a tangle perhaps."
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"I should -- like -- that," he said very slowly, his eyes looking dreamy. "I should like that. I should not mind fresh air in a secret garden."
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"If you won't make them take you to the garden," pleaded Mary, "perhaps -- I feel almost sure I can find out how to get in sometime. And then -- if the doctor wants you to go out in your chair, and if you can always do what you want to do, perhaps -- perhaps we might find some boy who would push you, and we could go alone and it would always be a secret garden."
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第十三章: 我是柯林 I Am Colin | 秘密花园
16 / 19
"I did not know birds could be like that," he said. "But if you stay in a room you never see things. What a lot of things you know. I feel as if you had been inside that garden."
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She did not know what to say, so she did not say anything. He evidently did not expect an answer and the next moment he gave her a surprise.
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"I am going to let you look at something," he said. "Do you see that rose-colored silk curtain hanging on the wall over the mantel-piece?"
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Mary had not noticed it before, but she looked up and saw it. It was a curtain of soft silk hanging over what seemed to be some picture.
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Mary got up, much mystified, and found the cord. When she pulled it the silk curtain ran back on rings and when it ran back it uncovered a picture. It was the picture of a girl with a laughing face. She had bright hair tied up with a blue ribbon and her gay, lovely eyes were exactly like Colin's unhappy ones, agate gray and looking twice as big as they really were because of the black lashes all round them.
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"Yes," she answered.
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"There is a cord hanging from it," said Colin. "Go and pull it."
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第十三章: 我是柯林 I Am Colin | 秘密花园
17 / 19
"How queer!" said Mary.
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"If she had lived I believe I should not have been ill always," he grumbled. "I dare say I should have lived, too. And my father would not have hated to look at me. I dare say I should have had a strong back. Draw the curtain again."
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"She is my mother," said Colin complainingly. "I don't see why she died. Sometimes I hate her for doing it."
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There were a few moments of silence and then Mary spoke. "What would Mrs. Medlock do if she found out that I had been here?" she inquired.
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Mary did as she was told and returned to her footstool.
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"She is much prettier than you," she said, "but her eyes are just like yours-at least they are the same shape and color. Why is the curtain drawn over her?"
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He moved uncomfortably.
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"I made them do it," he said. "Sometimes I don't like to see her looking at me. She smiles too much when I am ill and miserable. Besides, she is mine and I don't want everyone to see her."
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"She would do as I told her to do," he answered. "And I should tell her that I wanted you to come here and talk to me every day. I am glad you came."
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第十三章: 我是柯林 I Am Colin | 秘密花园
18 / 19
"So am I," said Mary. "I will come as often as I can, but"-- she hesitated --"I shall have to look every day for the garden door."
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"Yes, you must," said Colin, "and you can tell me about it afterward." He lay thinking a few minutes, as he had done before, and then he spoke again.
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"Yes, I know her very well," said Mary. "She waits on me."
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"She is the one who is asleep in the other room. The nurse went away yesterday to stay all night with her sister and she always makes Martha attend to me when she wants to go out. Martha shall tell you when to come here."
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He nodded his head toward the outer corridor.
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"I think you shall be a secret, too," he said. "I will not tell them until they find out. I can always send the nurse out of the room and say that I want to be by myself. Do you know Martha?"
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"Martha knew about you all the time?" she said.
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"Yes; she often attends to me. The nurse likes to get away from me and then Martha comes."
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Then Mary understood Martha's troubled look when she had asked questions about the crying.
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第十三章: 我是柯林 I Am Colin | 秘密花园
19 / 19
"I have been here a long time," said Mary. "Shall I go away now? Your eyes look sleepy."
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"I wish I could go to sleep before you leave me," he said rather shyly.
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"That is nice," he said more drowsily still, and she went on chanting and stroking, but when she looked at him again his black lashes were lying close against his cheeks, for his eyes were shut and he was fast asleep. So she got up softly, took her candle and crept away without making a sound.
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"Shut your eyes," said Mary, drawing her footstool closer, "and I will do what my Ayah used to do in India. I will pat your hand and stroke it and sing something quite low."
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"I should like that perhaps," he said drowsily.
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Somehow she was sorry for him and did not want him to lie awake, so she leaned against the bed and began to stroke and pat his hand and sing a very low little chanting song in Hindustani.
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