"Hey," she said, rushing past him. He really did look an awful lot like Magnum P. I. It wasn't something you got used to.
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"Look," he said, "I'm getting tired of asking you to stay for dinner."
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"Hey, Eleanor," he said, startling her. He was messing around with something in the back of his truck.
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"What I mean is, I want you to feel like you have a standing invitation. You're just… welcome, okay?" He seemed uncomfortable, and it was making her uncomfortable. Way more uncomfortable than she usually felt around him.
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This could go a million different ways, she thought. All of them awful.
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She felt something go slightly wrong in her stomach. She stopped and stepped toward him, but only a little.
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Park's mom asked him to set the table. That was Eleanor's cue to leave. The sun had almost set. She rushed down the steps before Park could stop her… and almost ran into his dad standing in the driveway.
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"Okay…" she said.
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"Hey, wait, come here," he said.
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"Look, Eleanor… I know your stepdad."
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"Okay…" she said.
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# Eleanor 3
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Park's dad kept talking, one hand on his truck, the other on the back of his neck, like he was in pain. "We grew up together. I'm older than Richie, but this is a small neighborhood, and I've put in my time at the Rail…"
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The sun was too far gone to see his face. Eleanor still wasn't sure what he was getting at.
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"I know that your stepdad isn't an easy man to be around," Park's dad said finally, stepping toward her. "And I'm just saying, you know, that if it's easier to be over here, then you should just be here. That would make Mindy and I feel a lot better, okay?"
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"So this is the last time I'm going to ask you to stay for dinner."
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"Okay," she said.
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Eleanor on the couch, holding his hand. Across from him at the kitchen table with her homework…
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Eleanor smiled, and he smiled back, and for a second he looked a lot more like Park than Tom Selleck.
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# Park #
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Helping him carry in groceries for his grandmother. Politely eating everything his mom made for dinner, even if it was something completely disgusting like liver and onions…
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He wasn't sure his mother even thought of Eleanor as a girl.
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Eleanor was unfailingly polite with his mom. She even tried to make small talk. One Saturday night after dinner, Park's mom was sorting her Avon shipment on the dining room table while Park and Eleanor played cards. "How long have you been a beautician?" Eleanor asked, looking over at all the bottles.
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"Doesn't care. We'll leave the door open."
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"She's very quiet," his mom said, like that was a good thing.
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"Your mom…"
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She liked Eleanor though. More than she used to. Just the other day, his mom had said that Eleanor had excellent manners.
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"On the floor."
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"Where will we sit?"
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He still hadn't found a way to put his arms all the way around her. And he still didn't have enough opportunities to kiss her. She wouldn't go to his room with him…
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"I don't want her to think I'm slutty."
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"She's just nervous," Park said.
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"God. No."
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"We can listen to music," he'd say.
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"On my bed."
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"I don't know," Park said. "She just is."
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"Why nervous?"
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They were always together, and it still wasn't enough.
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He could tell that his mom still hated Eleanor's clothes. She was always looking her up and down and shaking her head when she thought Eleanor wasn't looking.
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His mom loved that word.
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"Yes," his mom said, "so much fun!"
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"Oh, no…" she said. "I couldn't…"
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"That sounds like my sister," Eleanor said. "I could never do any of that."
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Park looked at Eleanor, pleading. Hopefully, she'd know that he was pleading because it would make his mom happy, not because he thought there was anything wrong with her.
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"Mom, no," Park said, "Eleanor doesn't want a makeover… She doesn't need a makeover," he added, as soon as he thought of it.
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"Since Josh start school. I get my GED, I go to beauty school, get license, get permit…"
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"Not so hard…" his mom said, looking up at her. His mom's eyes lit up. "Hey, I have good idea," she said. "I do your hair. We have makeover night."
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"Wow," Eleanor said.
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"I always do hair," his mom said, "even before." She opened a pink bottle of lotion and smelled it. "Little girl… cut doll's hair, paint on makeup."
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"Not big makeover," his mom said. She was already reaching for Eleanor's hair. "No cutting. Nothing we can't wash off."
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Eleanor's mouth dropped open. She was probably picturing herself with feathered hair and fake eyelashes.
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# Eleanor #
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"No cutting?" Eleanor said.
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His mom was fingering a curl. "Better light in the garage," she said, "come on."
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Park's mom put Eleanor in the shampoo chair and snapped her fingers at Park. To Eleanor's horror -- to her ongoing horror -- Park came over and started filling the sink with water. He took a pink towel down from a big stack, and expertly Velcroed it around Eleanor's neck, carefully lifting out her hair.
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"No," she mouthed, grabbing his shirt. Yes, she thought. She was already starting to dissolve with embarrassment. She couldn't feel the tips of her fingers.
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"I'm sorry," he whispered. "Do you want me to leave?"
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Eleanor wouldn't try to stop her, no matter what; she was a guest in this garage. She'd eaten this woman's food and manhandled her son -- she was in no position to argue.
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But if Park left, there'd be no one to stop his mom if she decided to give Eleanor giant, claw-shaped bangs or a spiral perm. Or both.
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Park's mom pushed him aside and laid Eleanor's head firmly back into the sink. "What kind of shampoo you use?"
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"I don't know," Eleanor said.
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"How you not know?" his mom asked, feeling her hair. "Feels too dry. Curly hair is dry, you know?"
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Eleanor shook her head.
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A few minutes later, her hair was hot-oiled and wrapped in a towel so tight it hurt her forehead. Park was sitting across from her, trying to smile, but looking almost as uncomfortable as she felt.
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"Hmmm…" Park's mom said. She tipped Eleanor's head back into the water and told Park to go stick a hot-oil pack in the microwave.
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His mom was going through box after box of Avon samples. "I know it's here somewhere," she said. "Cinnamon, cinnamon, cinnamon… A-ha!"
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It was really, really strange having Park's mom wash her hair. She was practically standing in Eleanor's lap; her angel necklace hung right over Eleanor's mouth. Plus, the whole process tickled like crazy. Eleanor didn't know whether Park was watching. She hoped not.
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She wheeled her chair over to Eleanor. "Okay. Close eyes."
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Eleanor stared at her. She was holding up a little brown pencil.
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"Close eyes," she said again.
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His mom sat so that Eleanor could see, then deftly drew a line along Park's eyelashes. "Open." He did. "Nice… close." She did the other eye, too. Then she added another line under his eye and licked her thumb to wipe away a smudge. "There, nice."
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"No, eyeliner."
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Maybe Eleanor should say that she wasn't allowed to. That would sound nicer than "because makeup is a lie."
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"Here," his mom said. "I'll show you." She turned to Park, and before either of them realized what she was planning, she had her thumb at the corner of his eye.
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"I don't know," Eleanor said, "it's just not me."
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"Is that lipstick?"
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"Yes, you," his mom said, looking at the pencil. "Very good color for you. Cinnamon."
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"Why?" Eleanor said.
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"Don't worry. This wash off."
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"Why not?"
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"What does it do?"
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"It's makeup," his mom said, exasperated. "It makes you pretty."
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"But I don't wear makeup."
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"Cinnamon too light," she muttered. She picked up a different pencil. "Onyx."
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Eleanor felt like she had something in her eye. Like fire.
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"Mom…" Park said.
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"Mom…" Park said painfully, but he didn't move.
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Eleanor especially didn't wear eyeliner.
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Park didn't look pretty. He looked dangerous. Like Ming the Merciless. Or a member of Duran Duran.
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"See?" she said, sitting back so that Eleanor could see. "Easy. Pretty."
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"You look like Robert Smith," Eleanor said. But… yeah, she thought, prettier.
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Park's mom was very businesslike, like someone with a cooking show on PBS. Pretty soon she was unwrapping Eleanor's hair and standing behind her.
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"This very easy routine," his mom said. "Foundation, powder, eyeliner, eye shadow, mascara, lip liner, lipstick, blush. Eight steps, take you fifteen minutes tops."
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He looked down. Eleanor couldn't look away.
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His mom swooped in between them. "Okay, now close eyes," she said to Eleanor. "Open. Nice… Close again…" It felt exactly like having someone draw on your eye with a pencil. Then it was over, and Park's mom was rubbing something cold on Eleanor's cheeks.
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Eleanor wanted to look at Park again, now that she could, but she didn't want him looking back. Her face felt so heavy and sticky, she probably looked like one of the Designing Women.
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His mom rubbed half a can of mousse into her hair, then blew it dry with a diffuser (which Eleanor had never heard of before but was apparently very, very important).
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Eleanor and Park both made scissors.
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Park scooted his chair closer to hers and started bouncing his fist on her knee. It took Eleanor a second to realize he was challenging her to a game of Rock, Paper, Scissors.
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According to Park's mom, everything Eleanor was doing with her hair -- washing it with whatever, brushing it, tying in beads and silk flowers -- was dead wrong.
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She played along. God. Any excuse to touch him. Any excuse not to look at him directly. He'd rubbed his eyes, so he didn't look painted anymore -- but he still looked like something Eleanor didn't have words for.
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"That's how Park keep little kids busy during haircuts," his mom said. "You must look scared, Eleanor. Don't worry. I promise no cutting."
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"I think you look really good with bangs," his mom said. "Maybe next time, we try bangs."
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She should be diffusing and scrunching and, if possible, sleeping on a satin pillowcase.
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"See?" his mom said, "I told you -- pretty. Don't look in mirror until I come back. Looking in mirror best part."
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There will never be a next time, Eleanor promised herself and God.
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"Okay, all done." Park's mom was all smiles. "Look so pretty… Ready to see?" She turned Eleanor around to the mirror. "Ta-daa!"
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Eleanor looked at her own lap.
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"Have to look, Eleanor. Look, mirror, so pretty."
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Eleanor couldn't. She could feel them both watching her. She wanted to disappear, to drop through a trap door. This whole thing was a bad idea. A terrible idea. She was going to cry, she was going to make a scene. Park's mom was going to go back to hating her.
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"Hey, Mindy." Park's dad opened the door and leaned into the garage. "Phone call. Oh, hey, look at you, Eleanor, you look like a Solid Gold dancer."
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She hurried into the house, and Eleanor hid her face in her hands, trying not to mess anything up. She felt Park's hands on her wrists.
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"I'm sorry," he said. "I guess I knew you'd hate this, but I didn't think you'd hate it this much."
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"I'm always looking at you," he said.
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"No."
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Eleanor hated it, she hated all of it.
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"I know, I wish you'd stop."
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"Because… you're all looking at me."
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Eleanor uncovered her face and looked in the mirror. It wasn't as embarrassing as she thought -- because it was like looking at a different person. Someone with cheekbones and giant eyes and really wet lips. Her hair was still curly, curlier than ever, but calmer somehow. Less deranged.
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"I don't want to."
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"No…"
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"Okay, they're closed."
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"Are you crying?"
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"Look now," he said, "before my mom gets back."
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"It's just so embarrassing."
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"Only if you close your eyes."
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"No, you look… just look."
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"Oh my God," she said, "I do."
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"She's just trying to get to know you. This is her thing."
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"Can I open my eyes?" Park asked.
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"Why?"
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"Do I look like a Solid Gold dancer?"
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"No." Of course she was. She was going to ruin her fake face, and Park's mom was going to go back to hating her.
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Park opened his eyes and sat in front of Eleanor on the vanity. "Is it so bad?" he asked.
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"Of course it's you."
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She rolled her eyes, but she felt the heat in her neck. "You look different. You look unsettling."
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"Kiss me."
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"I don't want your mom to see me like this. I don't want to hurt her feelings."
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"I like you the same… I kind of miss your freckles." He rubbed her cheeks with his sleeve. "There," he said.
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"It's not me."
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"What?"
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"I think your hair looks really nice," Park said.
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He kissed her. Eleanor felt her shoulders fall and her stomach untwist. Then it started twisting in the other direction. She pulled away.
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"Do you like me better?"
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Like she was trying to be pretty and popular. It was the trying part that was so disgusting.
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"You look like a different person," she said, "and you're just wearing eyeliner."
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"It's not my hair."
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"It is…"
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"You don't look like someone else. Plus, that's crazy."
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"Do you like me better like this?" she asked. "Because I'm never going to look like this again."
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"I just, I look like I'm in costume. Like I'm trying to be something that I'm not."
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"Are you kissing me because I look like someone else?"
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He couldn't figure out why it upset her so much. Sometimes, it seemed like she was trying to hide everything that was pretty about her. Like she wanted to look ugly.
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Eleanor laughed. The door to the house opened.
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"The thing is," Park said. "I'm pretty sure my mom was holding back. I think she thinks this is the natural look."
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"Thank you," Eleanor said carefully. "I could hardly believe the difference."
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# Park #
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"Did you cry? Oh, I miss it!"
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"No mess," his mom said, "waterproof mascara and stay-put foundation."
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She looked in the mirror again.
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"Sorry if I messed it up," Eleanor said.
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"I'll make you a kit," his mom said. "These all colors I never use anyway. Here, sit down, Park. I trim your hair while we here. Looking shaggy…"
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Eleanor sat in front of him and played Rock, Paper, Scissors on his knee.
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Eleanor nodded.
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"Awww, I told you guys to wait," his mom said. "Were you surprised?"
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She looked like a different person, and Park didn't know if he liked it better. Or at all.
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"You look like you," he said. "You with the volume turned up."
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That was something his mother would say. Which is why he hadn't said it to Eleanor. (Did that count as holding back?)
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He got why Eleanor tried so hard to look different. Sort of. It was because she was different -- because she wasn't afraid to be. (Or maybe she was just more afraid of being like everyone else.)
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There was something really exciting about that. He liked being near that, that kind of brave and crazy.
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"Unsettling, how?" he'd wanted to ask her.
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The next morning, Park took the onyx eyeliner into the bathroom and put it on. He was messier than his mom, but he thought that might look better. More masculine.
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Today he left it wild.
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He looked in the mirror. "This really make your eyes pop," his mom always told her customers, and it was true. The eyeliner did make his eyes pop. It also made him look even less white.
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Then Park did his hair like he usually did -- flared up in the middle, all messy and tall, like it was reaching for something. Usually, as soon as he did that, Park combed his hair out and down again.
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"Nothing."
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"No, Mindy. No. I let these boys do pretty much anything they damn well please. But, no. Park is not leaving this house looking like a girl."
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His dad flipped at breakfast. Flipped. Park tried to sneak out without seeing him, but his mom was non-negotiable about breakfast. Park hung his head over the cereal bowl.
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"Jamie…" his mom said.
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"Wait a minute, look at me… I said look at me."
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"Jamie!" his mother said.
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"Look at him, Mindy, he's wearing makeup! Are you fucking kidding me, Park?"
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"What's wrong with your hair?" his dad asked.
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Probably.
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"No excuse to cuss," his mom said. She looked nervously at Park, like maybe this was her fault. Maybe it was. Maybe she shouldn't have tried out lipstick samples on him when he was in kindergarten. Not that he wanted to wear lipstick…
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Park took a bite of cereal.
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"Go wash your face. Park."
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Park stayed where he was.
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"Like hell it isn't," his dad roared. "Go wash your face, Park."
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"What the fuck, Park?"
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"Plenty of guys wear makeup," Park said.
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Park lifted his head, but looked away.
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"I'm not listening to this. Wash your face."
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"I said, what else is new? Isn't that what you think?"
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He went to his own bus stop, not Eleanor's. He wanted to deal with Steve before he saw her. If Steve was going to beat the shit out of him for this, Park would prefer that Eleanor not be in the audience.
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"Because I said so. Because you look like a girl."
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"Mindy…" his dad said, just barely restraining himself, "they'll tear him apart."
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"Go to school, Park," his mom said softly. "You miss your bus."
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"So what else is new?" Park shoved his cereal bowl away.
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But Steve hardly mentioned it.
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"What did you say?"
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"David Bowie," Park said. "Marc Bolan."
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Park felt tears on his cheeks, but he didn't want to touch his eyes.
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"You tell me Park all grown up now, almost man, make own decisions. So let him make own decisions. Let him go."
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His dad didn't say anything; he'd never raise his voice to Park's mom. Park saw his opportunity and left.
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"Why?" Park pushed his fists into the table.
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"What? What are you even talking about?"
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Everyone around Steve tittered, waiting to see what would happen next.
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"Do I look like one of the Solid Gold dancers?" he asked finally, when he couldn't take any more quiet.
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Everybody laughed. Steve bared his teeth at Tina and growled, and then it was over.
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"You kind of look like Ozzy, man," Steve said. "You look ready to bite the head off a fucking bat."
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When Eleanor got on the bus, she was in a good mood. "You're here! I thought maybe you were sick when you weren't at my corner." He looked up at her. She looked surprised, then sat down quietly and looked at her hands.
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"Yeah," Park said, holding onto his backpack.
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She laughed and nodded.
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"Unsettling?" he asked.
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She kissed him with tongue. On the bus.
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"Unsettling, how?" he asked her.
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"No," she said, sidelong glancing, "you look…"
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"Hey, Park, what the fuck, man, are you wearing makeup?"
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