When Mr Wonka turned round and saw what Augustus Gloop was doing, he cried out, "Oh, no! Please, Augustus, please! I beg of you not to do that. My chocolate must be untouched by human hands!"

"Augustus!" called out Mrs Gloop. "Didn't you hear what the man said? Come away from that river at once!"

"This stuff is fabulous!" said Augustus, taking not the slightest notice of his mother or Mr Wonka. "Gosh, I need a bucket to drink it properly!"

"Augustus," cried Mr Wonka, hopping up and down and waggling his stick in the air, "you must come away. You are dirtying my chocolate!"

"Augustus!" cried Mrs Gloop.

"Augustus!" cried Mr Gloop.

"Augustus!" shouted Mrs Gloop. "You'll be giving that nasty cold of yours to about a million people all over the country!"

But Augustus was deaf to everything except the call of his enormous stomach. He was now lying full length on the ground with his head far out over the river, lapping up the chocolate like a dog.

"Be careful, Augustus!" shouted Mr Gloop. "You're leaning too far out!"

Mr Gloop was absolutely right. For suddenly there was a shriek, and then a splash, and into the river went Augustus Gloop, and in one second he had disappeared under the brown surface.

"Don't just stand there!" Mrs Gloop screamed at Mr Gloop. "Do something!"

"Save him!" screamed Mrs Gloop, going white in the face, and waving her umbrella about. "He'll drown! He can't swim a yard! Save him! Save him!"

"Good heavens, woman," said Mr Gloop, "I'm not diving in there! I've got my best suit on!"

Augustus Gloop's face came up again to the surface, painted brown with chocolate. "Help! Help! Help!" he yelled. "Fish me out!"

"I am doing something!" said Mr Gloop, who was now taking off his jacket and getting ready to dive into the chocolate. But while he was doing this, the wretched boy was being sucked closer and closer towards the mouth of one of the great pipes that was dangling down into the river. Then all at once, the powerful suction took hold of him completely, and he was pulled under the surface and then into the mouth of the pipe.

And sure enough, because the pipe was made of glass, Augustus Gloop could be clearly seen shooting up inside it, head first, like a torpedo.

"He's going to stick!" said Charlie.

"Smash the pipe!" yelled Mrs Gloop, still waving her umbrella. "Augustus, come out of there at once!"

"It isn't big enough!" said Charlie Bucket. "Oh dear, look! He's slowing down!"

"It's a wonder to me," said Mr Gloop, "how that pipe is big enough for him to go through it."

"It's his stomach that's done it!" said Mr Gloop.

"There he goes!" somebody shouted, pointing upwards.

"By golly, he has stuck!" said Charlie.

The watchers below could see the chocolate swishing around the boy in the pipe, and they could see it building up behind him in a solid mass, pushing against the blockage. The pressure was terrific. Something had to give. Something did give, and that something was Augustus. WHOOF! Up he shot again like a bullet in the barrel of a gun.

"So he is!" said Grandpa Joe.

"I think he is!" said Grandpa Joe.

"Help! Murder! Police!" screamed Mrs Gloop. "Augustus, come back at once! Where are you going?"

The crowd on the riverbank waited breathlessly to see where he would come out.

"He's blocked the whole pipe!" said Grandpa Joe.

"And why not, may I ask?" shouted Mrs Gloop.

"Keep calm!" cried Mr Wonka. "Keep calm, my dear lady, keep calm. There is no danger! No danger whatsoever! Augustus has gone on a little journey, that's all. A most interesting little journey. But he'll come out of it just fine, you wait and see."

"Impossible!" cried Mr Wonka. "Unthinkable! Inconceivable! Absurd! He could never be made into marshmallows!"

"He's disappeared!" yelled Mrs Gloop. "Where does that pipe go to? Quick! Call the fire brigade!"

"How can he possibly come out just fine!" snapped Mrs Gloop. "He'll be made into marshmallows in five seconds!"

"Quite right," said Mr Gloop.

"Then he'll be made into strawberry-flavoured chocolate-coated fudge!" screamed Mrs Gloop. "My poor Augustus! They'll be selling him by the pound all over the country tomorrow morning!"

"Because that pipe doesn't go anywhere near it! That pipe -- the one Augustus went up happens to lead directly to the room where I make a most delicious kind of strawberry-flavoured chocolate-coated fudge…"

"I know I'm right," said Mrs Gloop.

"He'll be perfectly safe," said Mr Wonka, giggling slightly.

"He'll be chocolate fudge!" shrieked Mrs Gloop.

"And why not?" shrieked Mrs Gloop.

"Mr Wonka doesn't seem to think so!" cried Mrs Gloop. "Just look at him! He's laughing his head off! How dare you laugh like that when my boy's just gone up the pipe! You monster!" she shrieked, pointing her umbrella at Mr Wonka as though she were going to run him through. "You think it's a joke, do you? You think that sucking my boy up into your Fudge Room like that is just one great big colossal joke?"

"Because the taste would be terrible," said Mr Wonka. "Just imagine it! Augustus-flavoured chocolate-coated Gloop! No one would buy it."

"I wouldn't allow it!" cried Mr Wonka.

"Nor do I," said Mr Wonka. "And I do promise you, madam, that your darling boy is perfectly safe."

"They most certainly would!" cried Mr Gloop indignantly.

"Never!" cried Mr Wonka.

"Of course he will!" shrieked Mrs Gloop.

"I don't want to think about it!" shrieked Mrs Gloop.

"It's beyond a joke," said Mr Gloop.

Mr Wonka turned around and clicked his fingers sharply, click, click, click, three times. Immediately, an Oompa-Loompa appeared, as if from nowhere, and stood beside him.

"If he's perfectly safe, then where is he?" snapped Mrs Gloop. "Lead me to him this instant!"

The Oompa-Loompa bowed and smiled, showing beautiful white teeth. His skin was rosy-white, his long hair was golden-brown, and the top of his head came just above the height of Mr Wonka's knee. He wore the usual deerskin slung over his shoulder.

"Go straight to the Fudge Room," Mr Wonka said to the Oompa-Loompa, "and when you get there, take a long stick and start poking around inside the big chocolate-mixing barrel. I'm almost certain you'll find him in there. But you'd better look sharp! You'll have to hurry! If you leave him in the chocolate-mixing barrel too long, he's liable to get poured out into the fudge boiler, and that really would be a disaster, wouldn't it? My fudge would become quite uneatable!"

"Oh, do be quiet!" said Mr Wonka. "Control yourself! Pull yourself together! Mrs Gloop doesn't think it's at all funny!"

"Now listen to me!" said Mr Wonka, looking down at the tiny man. "I want you to take Mr and Mrs Gloop up to the Fudge Room and help them to find their son, Augustus. He's just gone up the pipe."

The Oompa-Loompa took one look at Mrs Gloop and exploded into peals of laughter.

"You can say that again!" said Mrs Gloop.

So what we do in cases such

"Grandpa!" cried Charlie. "Listen to them, Grandpa! What are they doing?"

As Mr and Mrs Gloop and their tiny escort hurried away, the five Oompa-Loompas on the far side of the river suddenly began hopping and dancing about and beating wildly upon a number of very small drums. "Augustus Gloop!" they chanted. "Augustus Gloop! Augustus Gloop! Augustus Gloop!"

"Augustus Gloop!" chanted the Oompa-Loompas.

On everything he wanted to?

The great big greedy nincompoop!

To gorge and guzzle, feed and feast

Mrs Gloop let out a shriek of fury.

Great Scott! It simply wouldn't do!

"I'm joking," said Mr Wonka, giggling madly behind his beard. "I didn't mean it. Forgive me. I'm so sorry. Good-bye, Mrs Gloop! And Mr Gloop! Good-bye! I'll see you later…"

"Ssshh!" whispered Grandpa Joe. "I think they're going to sing us a song!"

We're positive he'd never give

"Augustus Gloop! Augustus Gloop!

Even the smallest bit of fun

How long could we allow this beast

However long this pig might live,

Or happiness to anyone.

To send him shooting up the pipe!

We add some sugar, cream, and spice;

Or marbles or a rocking horse.

'Come on!' we cried. 'The time is ripe

He'll be quite changed from what he's been,

Slowly, the wheels go round and round,

He left a most disgusting taste

Would take the nasty taste away.

And turn him into something that will give great pleasure to us all -

Inside our mouths, and so in haste

He will be altered quite a bit.

And carefully we take the brat

Was so unutterably vile,

The cogs begin to grind and pound;

And very soon, he's going to see

Augustus Gloop will not be harmed,

He has to go! It has to be!'

Inside the room to which he's gone

So greedy, foul, and infantile,

A doll, for instance, or a ball,

A hundred knives go slice, slice, slice;

When he goes through the fudge machine:

But don't, dear children, be alarmed;

As this, we use the gentle touch,

But this revolting boy, of course,

Although, of course, we must admit

Some funny things are going on.

We chose a thing that, come what may,

Was loathed by men from shore to shore,

Then out he comes! And now! By grace!

"Are the Oompa-Loompas really joking, Grandpa?" asked Charlie.

Is boiled away for once and all.

A miracle has taken place!

Until we're absolutely sure

This boy, who only just before

Against a luscious bit of fudge?"

"Of course they're joking," answered Grandpa Joe. "They must be joking. At least, I hope they're joking. Don't you?"

Is loved by people everywhere!

For who could hate or bear a grudge

This greedy brute, this louse's ear,

That all the greed and all the gall

"I told you they loved singing!" cried Mr Wonka. "Aren't they delightful? Aren't they charming? But you mustn't believe a word they said. It's all nonsense, every bit of it!"

We boil him for a minute more,