Where…?
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The sky was a misty pumpkin shade, then a deep turquoise, then a bright lime. Eddie was floating, and his arms were still extended.
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Where…?
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Eddie, it appeared, was not getting a second chance.
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Did I save her?
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Where…?
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The tower cart was falling. He remembered that. The little girl -- Amy? Annie?-- she was crying. He remembered that. He remembered lunging. He remembered hitting the platform. He felt her two small hands in his.
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Eddie saw nothing of his final moment on earth, nothing of the pier or the crowd or the shattered fiberglass cart.
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Then what?
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In the stories about life after death, the soul often floats above the good-bye moment, hovering over police cars at highway accidents, or clinging like a spider to hospital-room ceilings. These are people who receive a second chance, who somehow, for some reason, resume their place in the world.
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Where…?
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Eddie could only picture it at a distance, as if it happened years ago. Stranger still, he could not feel any emotions that went with it. He could only feel calm, like a child in the cradle of its mother's arms.
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Where is my worry?
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That was what was missing. Every hurt he'd ever suffered, every ache he'd ever endured -- it was all as gone as an expired breath. He could not feel agony. He could not feel sadness. His consciousness felt smoky, wisplike, incapable of anything but calm. Below him now, the colors changed again. Something was swirling. Water. An ocean. He was floating over a vast yellow sea. Now it turned melon. Now it was sapphire. Now he began to drop, hurtling toward the surface. It was faster than anything he'd ever imagined, yet there wasn't as much as a breeze on his face, and he felt no fear. He saw the sands of a golden shore.
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Where is my pain?
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Where…
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Did she live?
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Where…?
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Where is my pain?
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The sky around him changed again, to grapefruit yellow, then a forest green, then a pink that Eddie momentarily associated with, of all things, cotton candy.
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Did I save her?
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… is my worry?
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Then he was under water.
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Then everything was silent.
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